Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
