HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
