I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
