Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
