this boner is exhausting
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I would ride that face into the sunset
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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