I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He? As in you personified your dick?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
