never play flip cup with pint glasses
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
