I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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