Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
