i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
