Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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