totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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