My girlfriend figured out who you are.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
