Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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