What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
