We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
