That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
All the doctor said was why
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
