He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
