So drunk its hurt
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
