More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Last time i carry you out of a forest
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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