Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
