I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
