why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
