Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
