3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
