She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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