My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
