We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
