Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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