Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Randomize
