we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
my being single is dangerous.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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