we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize