Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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