My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I wear drunk well.
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