Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
