I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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