Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
