Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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