so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
