you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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