farters have to be the big spoon...
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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