I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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