I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
