I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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