whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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