I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
