I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
