dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize