Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
