he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
