Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
