My nipple is on Facebook.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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