I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
