I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
