The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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