I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
