Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
