I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Let's get the cat blown out
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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