you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
