I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
