My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
