Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
