It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
