We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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