do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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